Concern 114: Conclusion

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Just for about twenty minutes.

I lay on my floor, on my stomach like I was 5 years old, flipped open my iPad and went to Indeed. It’s not the most specific job site out there, but it’s a good place to start – there’s pretty much everything on there.

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The results were many. Not especially varied, but many. Very few of them were actually jobs for writers but that wasn’t much of a surprise…I have used Indeed before. Keywords are somewhat loosely defined on there.

But there were a few things that interested me. All of them are jobs I don’t stand a hope in hell of getting, but at least one of them I think I’ll apply for anyway – there’s a few reasons why, but mainly it’s down to having done my CV that I feel confident to do so.

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I feel like…searching for “writer,” be that copywriter or whatever kind of writer, is something maybe I can have a chance at just…giving a go.

Three out of the four jobs that I really noticed, there’s no point wasting my time – I don’t have enough of the essentials. One of them, though…I will still likely be wasting my time but I think I also might be able to spin my experience to be in with a chance. A seriously outside chance, no delusions here, but this isn’t an application I’m deeming to put in with the merit of getting the job or even getting an interview. I’ve done this long enough that I don’t even expect to get a polite but firm “HELL NO.”

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To prove to myself that I have learnt how to handle this.

I know I did it today because I was at a loose end and feeling pretty okay with myself and knew I’d have to go get dinner imminently, so it wasn’t something I’d get lost in.

It wasn’t something I’d have to carefully plan and mediate and trawl through with specific aims…it was just a quick look, a bit more than cursory, a lot less than attentive. I used my iPad because it feels less formal than being sat at my MacBook; I lay on the floor because it felt more comfortable and casual than sitting in my chair at my desk.

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And yes, there was an aspect of…don’t let these two weeks have gone by without starting that thing you intended on starting if you’re up to it. Don’t let it slip out of your hands if you’re strong enough when you were so determined to keep a hold on it.

Just start. Small. Inconsequential. No pressure. Just a quick look.

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It doesn’t matter if I don’t get an interview, because I haven’t had one in all the other jobs I’ve applied for, so a rejection is no big new thing; it doesn’t matter that it wasn’t a “proper” start or a structured search or a motion towards something specific because that isn’t the sort of thinking that’s going to get me onboard with this anymore; it doesn’t matter that I haven’t come as far as I wanted and that I’m not going back in tomorrow with interviews planned or a resignation letter ready or my soul firmly checked out.

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The Concern 101 project concludes with a beginning, and that makes me really proud of what I’ve accomplished. I can look back over these fourteen entries and I can see it grow; I can see my mindset change, just from writing these, from relaxing, from making the effort to fix myself once I had the space and time.

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This is the last post in the Concern 101 project.

Because I’ve found this so much more than useful, I am tempted to keep it going; I’m tempted to see if it will help keep me on the even keel I need just to get through the coming days at work, which are going to be very hard for several reasons.

But I’m not sure yet what form the Concern will take, post-101. Keep looking for updates, because I will certainly be back in the next few days. Writing these really does help me; being this productive, that’s a real…boost. Knowing other people see them and maybe find them useful too…that’s an even bigger boost.

We’ll see.

In the meantime, please don’t forget The Onslaught, my movie blog about the love of film and film writing. Find the link below and…I’ll be right back…

Onslaught Link

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